Commentary #2

           

Your essay overall is very solid. You need a little more description to some of the paragraphs. But mainly you need to be clearer on what you are actually talking about. When first reading it got confused on where I was in the structure of the essay. Your thesis is fantastic and clear but it needs to be introduced earlier than you did. The introduction paragraph is good really hooks you into the reading and makes it a very easy on the brain to start off. You do address all three appeals in the paragraphs. Like I said I was confused on what I was actually reading about. I would think I’m reading about ethos but actually it was a paragraph about pathos. And this all can be fixed with good structuring of the paper. Could add a little more to the body paragraphs, but it is not a necessity. Should add I think one more passage from the actual essay itself. I think it would help tie the paper together a lot better. The topic sentences are not all clear in your paper. I think this is because some of your paragraphs could be combined together. This would eliminate some of the confusion as well when it comes to the structure of the paper. The topic sentences (that are actual topic sentences) are good and do give a clear layout on what you are about to discuss in that paragraph. Your paragraph that deals with the appeal to logos is very strong and gives good support and probably the best support to your thesis. Your example is specific and actual show the reader what logos looks like. Not much to do for the logos paragraph. The pathos paragraph is also really well put together, clear, and strong. This paragraph along with logos just does a really nice job on what specific examples Hitchens uses to get his point across via pathos. Where I think you fall short is ethos. The ethos section was not a very clear section to read and was kind of confused when reading it. I think with just a little tweaking to the ethos paragraph it could be fantastic. Overall your essay is a really good read and argument.